Somebody Call Al Gore!

If global warming is not bad enough, there is an even more frightful future in store for us. It has to be our fault, and we need to do something about it immediately.

It appears that the earth is shrinking, and that the distance between North America and Europe is increasing.

Scientists have determined that the earth’s diameter is 5mm less than it was 5 years ago, and that the distance between North American and Europe is increasing at the rate of about 18mm a year.

What will this mean for the future of mankind?

I have a few suggestions (al la Gore thinking):

1. Since the world is obviously overpopulated now, its shrinking should escalate our population control efforts or we’ll be literally squashed together so tightly that we’ll suffocate.

There should be an immediate ban on all births worldwide.

By doing that, the population should shrink enough in the next generation that the smaller terra firma will still be able to accommodate those of us who are left.

2. China and North Korea are already our enemies. Now that the distance between us and Europe is widening, it’s logical to predict (just look at a world map) that we’re getting closer to China and North Korea, and will most likely end up running into them…literally.

There should be an immediate law passed in this country that all public school children should be taught Chinese and Korean as a first and second language.

Our foreign policy on China should also become extremely aggressive in their favor –after all, there are a lot more of them than there are of us…and we don’t want trouble. Just as with terrorists, if we just have the right foreign policies we’ll all be able to get along and nobody will hate us.

These are just suggestions. I know there are more qualified individuals to determine our strategy from this point on.

Al will know what to do.